Another year draws to an end ...

One way or another it's been quite a year. It began with heavy snow and a battle to reach an airport so I could go to Tehran and earn some much needed cash and it seems to be ending with even more snow as I sit and type this in my new home in Germany. OK, so now I'm technically a "house husband" and pensioner, but I'm still engaged in writing a new technical book and in lecturing in my field when needed. I may even visit Tehran again in the coming year, but certainly not for six months again.

Moving to the Taunus was a big step. My German was almost non-existent and is still pretty basic, but it is making some progress now. At least I can make sense of the newspapers and do some basic shopping! At least I'm now settled, my study is great and Mausi and I have settled into our new routines quite easily. Even Madam Paddy Cat has settled, though she can be demanding - especially as she has got into the habit of demanding her breakfast at 05.30 sharp!

Looking back, there have certainly been some interesting new ventures, not least being republishing The Enemy is Within! and publishing Their Lordships Request. Will they make me millions? Probably not, though one can dream, and frankly I'll be happy if I just have some steady sales and people enjoying them.

On the subject of books, I also managed to get to the London Book Fair and to the bigger Frankfurt Book Fair. They were certainly educational and eye opening. I was interested to learn at the second of these, that even the "A List" Authors feel a little excluded and there on "tolerance" - a necessary evil in case some buyer actually wants to meet them. It hasn't put me off writing, but it has made me realise that I need to sharpen my writing, my marketing and my selling skills! It has also made me realise that the e-book market may be the best way to go for now. Now I have to explore Kindle, iPod and all the other versions.

It will keep me busy in the coming year, of that I can be sure...

Modern mythology ...

Some while ago I began to make the effort to read up on the facts behind the frequently repeated charges by secularists and humanists against the Christian faith. I have now read Carl Sagan, a brilliant astonomer, parts of Lecky (Sorry, but his Victorian prose was more than I could cope with, especially as his 'facts' are not factual...) and even Diane Purkiss' book on feminism. It all started when I began reading Philip Samson's "Six Modern Myths" ISBN 0-85111-659-0 some time after watching the very one sided "debate" on BBC World which asked the question "Is the Catholic Church a force for good or a force for evil in the world?"

On one side of the debate was the Archbishop of Nigeria and an ex-MP and convert to Catholicism and on the other Stephen Fry and an author who was almost foaming at the mouth as he trotted out all the myths and legends about Roman Catholic Missionaries killing those who would not convert, destroying whole cultures and waging a genocide campaign in the Americas. Both he and Fry were passionate, erudite and utterly convinced that they alone were telling the truth. Sadly, they were not, but their passion convinced the audience ... When asked to vote, the audience were swayed by the emotive declarations and, lacking the truth and the facts, voted that the Roman Church was evil...

Richard Dawkins and his Atheist cohorts must have been dancing for joy.

The truth is always the first casualty in any propaganda campaign, and the secularist/humanist 'war' on Christianity plays the full orchestra of haf truth, twisted facts and outright falsehood. I heartily commend Samsons book to everyone interested in the truth behind the Witch Burnings, the supposed Missionary 'Rape" of cultures, Galileo, Darwin, Human sexuality and the abuse of the environment, animals and our fellow man. Fry and his colleague made much of the Inquisition's supposed pursuit of witches and suppression of the native American populations, but the myth is not supported by fact. In direct contradiction of the myth, the Inquisition almost invariably dismissed charges of witchcraft and even where they did accept them, recommended 'schooling in the gospel' rather than death. It is fact that the countries where the Inquisition held sway burned far fewer 'witches' than the supposedly Protestant countries - yet, even there, the Churches usually argued against the charges and against the imposition of the death penalties. Almost all the major witch burnings were ordered by Secular courts and magistrates - frequently in defiance of opposition from clergy and theologians.

Samson has done his research well and I can certainly attest to at least one of his references being absolutely accurate. What a pity this book will not receive the wide reporting it should. It is certainly an even greater pity that it will not get the TV treatment it deserves or which the myths get at every opportunity from the likes of the BBC.

Revised version of "When I'm Cleaning Windows..."

Nothing to do with Microslosh either. The original song was sung by George Formby, a 'singer' with a rather strange high pitched nasal voice and a strong Lancastrian accent, very popular in the 1930s and 40s. I have always considered him an unlikely pop-star and I guess his voice and the ukelele he strummed are acquired tastes. That said, Darryl Ashton has provided me with this rather amusing 'alternative' version which fits a more recent 'star' to disgrace our nation and TV screens - none other than the Prime Minister who thought he was the next President of Europe. Mind you he also thought he was the President of the UK...

President Blair has been spotted doing impressions with his Ukulele of George Formby's; "When I'm cleaning windows," in the Bahamas.

Lay-deez and Genn-ul-men, it goes something like this.

(Feel free to sing along)

Now I go taking freebies,
To save a tidy sum,
With Cherie and the kiddies
And Endora, her fooking mum.

We stay at least a fortnight,
We always eat our fill,
We swim, surf and sunbathe,
But we never see a Bill.

We had to ban the papers,
It simply isn't right,
For them to print those pictures,
Of Cherie's cellulite.

She's still a handsome woman,
She's big on Human Rights,
And back in our cabana,
It's five times every night.

We like to take our freebies,
On the Caribbean sea,
But if Cliff's got other guests,
We'll go to Italy.

The cares of office melt away
When the sun is on your back,
And when i'm taking freebies,
I'm a long way from Iraq.

I know the bombs in London Town,
Give you the Heebie - Jeebies,
But i'm well out the firing line,
When I'm taking freebies.

There's nothing like Barbados air,
When you're living like a millionaire,
Miles away from Connaught Square,
When i'm taking freebies.

In my profession I work hard,
I have to take a break.
So why should you expect me,
To pay the going rate!

BY

DARRYL ASHTON

Christmas Crackers...

My thanks to Darryl Ashton for this swipe at the PC brigade...

CHRISTMAS CRACKERS!

As councils all over Britain have pulled the plug on Christmas trees, mangers, crosses and Santa Claus. Worst still, in St Andrews they're even putting on a play depicting the Virgin Mary as an alcoholic and Jesus as a homosexual.

Well, as part of Darryl's save Christmas campaign, here's my revised arrangement of Away in a Manger, the 12 - inch version.

(Please feel free to sing along).

Away with the fairies, no brains in their head
The little dictators say Christmas is dead.
The clowns in the town halls look down as we pray
And rule that the manger be taken away.

In Birmingham's Bullring poor Santa is banned
His sleigh and his reindeer, and elves have been canned.
In Bury St Edmunds they've turned off the lights
In Suffolk, Lord Jesus offends human rights.

They want our donations down at the Red Cross,
But no celebrations they don't give a toss.
And even Saint Tony, has tried really hard
Not to mention the C - word in his Christmas card.

In Luton, Tower Hamlets and old Camden Town
The Christmas decorations have all been torn down.
Pray, celebrate Diwali and Ramadan praise,
It's only Christianity they want to erase.

There'll be no more memtion of our Lord and Saviour
So God bless Saint Tony, remember, Sod Labour!
So, come back Guy Fawkes, and do what we please,
You can do it this time - and do it with ease!

BY

DARRYL ASHTON

Merry Christmas

There is really not a lot to say to my readers today except -

Merry Christmas to you all, Mausi and The Monk wish you all a great Christmas, a safe Christmas and, if you're snowed in as we are, a thaw to help reduce it! I'd post a photo, but I'm also helping cook ...

At least we made it to the Christmas Mass last night in Wiesbaden, but the big disappointment this morning is that we cannot watch the Eucharist from Tewkesbury Abbey because, for some reason only the BBC knows, we are told that all the Online broadcasts are "Not available in your area."

I hope someone has recorded it and can let us have a copy.

The Night Before Christmas

A different take on a well known poem. Once again Darryl Ashton has produced an amusing reworking of the original...

Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the flat,
Not a creature was stirring-
Just me and my cat.

Then up on the rooftop
There came a big bump,
A rattle, a clatter,
And then a great thump.

Then what to my bleary
Old eyes should appear?
A sledge and beside it,
A troop of reindeer.

Then in rolled a figure,
In a red - and - white suit,
A happy old Santa,
As tight as a newt.

He hiccupped and grinned
Said: "I'm really quite merry,
And so would you be
At your ten - thousandth sherry.

Now if you can help me
To locate my sleigh,
I'll call up my reindeer
And get on my way."

I helped the old fellow
Back up to the roof,
Though the smell on his breath
Was 90 per cent - proof.

I managed to get him
Stuck into his sledge,
While the reindeer were happily
Munching my hedge.

He mumbled; "Oh, sugar!
I've mislaid my sack,"
Then giggled and gave
With his whip, a great crack.

"On Dixon! On Nixon!
On Bush! And on Blair!
I've forgotten your names but
I really don't care.

I vaguely remember
That one of you's Dancer,
Oh, just giddy up,
If your name rhymes with Chancer."

I stood and I watched
As they rolled through the sky,
While a chorus of burping
Echoed down from on high.

Then the sleigh faded out,
But I heard the last call:
"Thank heaven for SAT-NAV,
HAPPY CHRISTMAS to all!"

DARRYL ASHTON

An anniversary

My grandmother rejoiced in an unusual first name - for a woman that is. Hector Mary Heron nee Hopkins was born on this day in 1899 at her parents farm near Harrismith in the then Boer Republic of the Oranje Vrijstaat. Her parents though, Richard Vaux Hopkins and Gertrude Hopkins (nee Bowes), were British through and through and owned one of the largest farms in a large country. On the day my grandmother was born, General Hector MacDonald drove a Boer Commando out of Harrismith and began a campaign to secure the Eastern Orange Free State of Boer Forces which would ultimately lead to the capture of Bloemfontein and then the advance into the Transvaal Republic.

Ironically her future father in law was with the army advancing from the Cape. Colour Sergeant James Heron was with his Regiment, the Royal Irish Rifles, having left at home his wife Susan, two year old daughter Mabel and infant son, Henry Nelson. Twenty-two years later Hector Mary and Henry Nelson would meet in Johannesburg, and in 1925 they married.

They died in 1977 within six months of one another. I remember them with pride because they played a very large part in my childhood and, without doubt, gave me the values I still hold to today. And, in case you were wondering, the 'hero' in my books, is named after my grandfather. When the fourth book finds its way into print you will meet Hector Mary as well.