The Night Before Christmas

A different take on a well known poem. Once again Darryl Ashton has produced an amusing reworking of the original...

Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the flat,
Not a creature was stirring-
Just me and my cat.

Then up on the rooftop
There came a big bump,
A rattle, a clatter,
And then a great thump.

Then what to my bleary
Old eyes should appear?
A sledge and beside it,
A troop of reindeer.

Then in rolled a figure,
In a red - and - white suit,
A happy old Santa,
As tight as a newt.

He hiccupped and grinned
Said: "I'm really quite merry,
And so would you be
At your ten - thousandth sherry.

Now if you can help me
To locate my sleigh,
I'll call up my reindeer
And get on my way."

I helped the old fellow
Back up to the roof,
Though the smell on his breath
Was 90 per cent - proof.

I managed to get him
Stuck into his sledge,
While the reindeer were happily
Munching my hedge.

He mumbled; "Oh, sugar!
I've mislaid my sack,"
Then giggled and gave
With his whip, a great crack.

"On Dixon! On Nixon!
On Bush! And on Blair!
I've forgotten your names but
I really don't care.

I vaguely remember
That one of you's Dancer,
Oh, just giddy up,
If your name rhymes with Chancer."

I stood and I watched
As they rolled through the sky,
While a chorus of burping
Echoed down from on high.

Then the sleigh faded out,
But I heard the last call:
"Thank heaven for SAT-NAV,
HAPPY CHRISTMAS to all!"

DARRYL ASHTON