Ten Lords a' leaping ...

There is one Christmas Carol that always puzzled me. Sure, it was fun to sing, and has a nice tune to go with it, but what do leaping lords, French hens, swimming swans, and especially the partridge in the pear tree have to do with Christmas?

The answer is that it was a way to memorise the tenets of the Roman Catholic (indeed the 'catholic') faith, and was composed during the years of the Protestant 'Presbyterianism' of Cromwell and the subsequent attempts to suppress the Roman Church in the British Isles. From 1558 until 1829, Roman Catholics in Britain and Ireland were forbidden to practice their faith openly. This carol was written as a catechism song for young Catholics, and its popularity among many 'Protestant' congregations has often amused me.

It has two levels of meaning: the surface meaning plus a hidden meaning known only to members of their church. Each of the things in the carol is a key word for a part of the Catechism which the children could remember. Thus -

• -The partridge in a pear tree was Jesus Christ.
• -Two turtle doves were the Old and New Testaments.
• -Three French hens stood for faith, hope and love.
• -The four calling birds were the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke & John.
• -The five golden rings recalled the Pentateuch or Law, the first five books of the Old Testament.
• -The six geese a-laying stood for the six days of creation.
• -Seven swans a-swimming represented the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit--Prophesy, Serving, Teaching,  Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership, and Mercy.
• -The eight maids a-milking were the eight beatitudes.
• -Nine ladies dancing were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit--Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness,  Faithfulness,Gentleness, and Self Control.
• -The ten lords a-leaping were the ten commandments.
• -The eleven pipers piping stood for the eleven faithful disciples.
• -The twelve drummers drumming symbolized the twelve points of belief in the Apostles' Creed.

So there is your history for today. I found it a fascinating way to teach something to children, right under the noses of the authorities rtying to prevent it. It is a lovely song, and it is a good choice for a Christmas Carol ... so pass it on if you wish.

Christmas is a Feast with an 'Octave'. It begins at sunset on the 24th December and continues until the Eve of the Epihany on January 6th. Now you'll be wondering how eight days (an Octave) became twelve. There are four 'Saints Days' in that period, starting with the Feast of St Stephen, followed by the Holy Innocents, then (for Anglicans) Thomas Beckett and the Circumcision of Christ. So, enjoy the twelve days of Christmas!

May I wish all my readers a very Merry Christmas and a fabulous year to come.

The Young Person's Guide to the SATB Choir

The SATB Choir is the standard formation for choral work in most Churches, Oratarios and major classical works, and it does have a full, rich sound to it. But, how does it work, and how is it composed? I found the following recently thanks to a friend. I'm unashamedly reposting it here.

THE YOUNG PERSON'S GUIDE TO THE SATB CHOIR In any chorus, there are four voice parts: soprano, alto, tenor, and bass. Sometimes these are divided into first and second within each part, prompting endless jokes about first and second basses. There are also various other parts such as baritone, countertenor, contralto, mezzo soprano, etc., but these are mostly used by people who are either soloists, or belong to some excessively hotshot classical a cappella group (this applies especially to countertenors), or are trying to make excuses for not really fitting into any of the regular voice parts, so we will ignore them for now.
Each voice part sings in a different range, and each one has a very different personality. You may ask, "Why should singing different notes make people act differently?", and indeed this is a mysterious question and has not been adequately studied, especially since scientists who study musicians tend to be musicians themselves and have all the peculiar complexes that go with being tenors, french horn players, timpanists, or whatever. However, this is beside the point; the fact remains that the four voice parts can be easily distinguished, and I will now explain how.
THE SOPRANOS are the ones who sing the highest, and because of this they think they rule the world. They have longer hair, fancier jewelry, and swishier skirts than anyone else, and they consider themselves insulted if they are not allowed to go at least to a high F in every movement of any given piece. When they reach the high notes, they hold them for at least half again as long as the composer and/or conductor requires, and then complain that their throats are killing them and that the composer and conductor are sadists. Sopranos have varied attitudes toward the other sections of the chorus, though they consider all of them inferior. Altos are to sopranos rather like second violins to first violins - nice to harmonize with, but not really necessary. All sopranos have a secret feeling that the altos could drop out and the piece would sound essentially the same, and they don't understand why anybody would sing in that range in the first place - it's so boring. Tenors, on the other hand, can be very nice to have around; besides their flirtation possibilities (it is a well-known fact that sopranos never flirt with basses), sopranos like to sing duets with tenors because all the tenors are doing is working very hard to sing in a low-to-medium soprano range, while the sopranos are up there in the stratosphere showing off. To sopranos, basses are the scum of the earth - they sing too damn loud, are useless to tune to because they're down in that low, low range - and there has to be something wrong with anyone who sings in the F clef, anyway.
THE ALTOS are the salt of the earth - in their opinion, at least. Altos are unassuming people, who would wear jeans to concerts if they were allowed to. Altos are in a unique position in the chorus in that they are unable to complain about having to sing either very high or very low, and they know that all the other sections think their parts are pitifully easy. But the altos know otherwise. They know that while the sopranos are screeching away on a high A, they are being forced to sing elaborate passages full of sharps and flats and tricks of rhythm, and nobody is noticing because the sopranos are singing too loud (and the basses usually are too). Altos get a deep, secret pleasure out of conspiring together to tune the sopranos flat. Altos have an innate distrust of tenors, because the tenors sing in almost the same range and think they sound better. They like the basses, and enjoy singing duets with them - the basses just sound like a rumble anyway, and it's the only time the altos can really be heard. Altos' other complaint is that there are always too many of them and so they never get to sing really loud.
THE TENORS are spoiled. That's all there is to it. For one thing, there are never enough of them, and choir directors would rather sell their souls than let a halfway decent tenor quit, while they're always ready to unload a few altos at half price. And then, for some reason, the few tenors there are are always really good - it's one of those annoying facts of life.. So it's no wonder that tenors always get swollen heads - after all, who else can make sopranos swoon? The one thing that can make tenors insecure is the accusation (usually by the basses) that anyone singing that high couldn't possibly be a real man.. In their usual perverse fashion, the tenors never acknowledge this, but just complain louder about the composer being a sadist and making them sing so damn high. Tenors have a love-hate relationship with the conductor, too, because the conductor is always telling them to sing louder because there are so few of them. No conductor in recorded history has ever asked for less tenor in a forte passage. Tenors feel threatened in some way by all the other sections - the sopranos because they can hit those incredibly high notes; the altos because they have no trouble singing the notes the tenors kill themselves for; and the basses because, although they can't sing anything above an E, they sing it loud enough to drown the tenors out. Of course, the tenors would rather die than admit any of this. It is a little-known fact that tenors move their eyebrows more than anyone else while singing.
THE BASSES sing the lowest of anybody. This basically explains everything. They are stolid, dependable people, and have more facial hair than anybody else. The basses feel perpetually unappreciated, but they have a deep conviction that they are actually the most important part (a view endorsed by musicologists, but certainly not by sopranos or tenors), despite the fact that they have the most boring part of anybody and often sing the same note (or in endless fifths) for an entire page. They compensate for this by singing as loudly as they can get away with - most basses are tuba players at heart. Basses are the only section that can regularly complain about how low their part is, and they make horrible faces when trying to hit very low notes. Basses are charitable people, but their charity does not extend so far as tenors, whom they consider effete poseurs. Basses hate tuning the tenors more than almost anything else. Basses like altos - except when they have duets and the altos get the good part. As for the sopranos, they are simply in an alternate universe which the basses don't understand at all. They can't imagine why anybody would ever want to sing that high and sound that bad when they make mistakes. When a bass makes a mistake, the other three parts will cover him, and he can continue on his merry way, knowing that sometime, somehow, he will end up at the root of the chord.

Source: Choir Jokes from Comedy Corner

I'll confess to being a totally untrained Bass, often used as a 'filler' in a chorus (to make up the volume) who could, once, reach the lowest part of the Bass 'range' (Bottom F) but always struggled to get above Middle C ... Made it interesting leading worship sometimes!

Back ...

The Monk returned home yesterday evening after a short and busy visit to the UK. He managed to deliver a lecture to a course at a university, and visit his son and his partner. It proved to be a good visit, an opportunity to catch up on news, and see their new home. This is a new 'town house' in Shaftesbury, the highest town in the South West, and a stunning area.

It's tricky keeping up with each others news at a distance, but, by and large, we manage. Visits like this one, even though short, help to keep relationships alive.

Though he left ahead of the predicted 'cold snap' in the UK, he arrived home to minus temperatures in Germany - and the promise of even lower temperatures to come.

Ah well, it is winter ...

Leave of Absence

The Monk will be away for a few days and isn't sure of internet access, so there may be a break here, no doubt to the relief of some readers.

Normal posting will resume at the weekend, but in the meantime the 'spirit' may move Josephus or Mausi to tackle a subject near and dear to them. Harry may even make a contribution in between walks, games, redesigning his 'day bed,' excavating parts of the garden in search of field mice or making new friends.

In the meantime - Pax vobiscum.

Military Humour ...

Military humour tends to be pointed and task oriented. It comes in a number of forms, but the best examples are always those based on the reality of what they are supposed to be doing ...

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." 
-Infantry Journal 

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." 
-US. Air Force Manual 

"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword, obviously never encountered automatic weapons." 
-General Mac Arthur 

"You, you, and you... panic. The rest of you, come with me." 
-Infantry Sgt. 

"Tracers work both ways." 
-Army Ordnance Manual 

"Five second fuses last about three seconds." 
-Infantry Journal 

The three most useless things in aviation are: fuel in the bowser, runway behind you, and air above you. 
-Basic Flight Training Manual 

"Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once." 
-Naval Ops Manual 

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." 
-Unknown Infantry Recruit 

"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up to him." 
-Infantry Journal 

"Yea, though I Fly Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 50,000 feet and climbing." 
-Sign over SR71 Wing Ops 

"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3." 
-Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot) 

"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire." 
-Unknown Author 

"If the wings are travelling faster than the fuselage it has to be a helicopter - and therefore, unsafe." 
-Fixed Wing Pilot 

"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash." 
-Multi-Engine Training Manual 

"Without ammunition, the Air Force is just an expensive flying club." 
-Unknown Author 

"If you hear me yell "Eject, Eject, Eject!" the last two will be echoes." If you stop to ask "Why?" you'll be talking to yourself, because by then you'll be the pilot."
-Pre-flight Briefing from a Canadian F104 Pilot 

"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies... but If ATC screws up... the pilot dies." 
-Sign over Control Tower Door- 

"Never trade luck for skill." 
-Author Unknown 

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in military aviation are: "Did you feel that?" "What's that noise?" and "Oh shit!" 
-Authors Unknown 

"Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight." 
-Basic Flight Training Manual 

"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it." 
-Emergency Checklist 

"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you." 
-Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot) 

"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime." 
-Sign over Squadron Ops Desk at Davis-Montham AFB, AZ 

"You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal."
-Lead-in Fighter Training Manual

Something a bit different for Friday

I've been playing around with Mausi's camera, a rather more 'tecky' one than I usually use. There is certainly a lot to experiment with. I thought I'd try some close-up stuff since there is a lot happening on the small scale in our garden.

So here are some results -

I'm willing to bet Josephus can name the genus of the plants and the insects in them ...

Weekend already?

The week seems to have managed to pass at a pace I think can only be explained by an acceleration in the planet's rotation. It can't possibly be Friday already ...

Mausi has been in Berlin on official business and returns in a couple of hours, so I have to get myself geared up to fetch her from Frankfurt Terminal 2. Friday traffic on the autobahn can be 'entertaining' so there will be an allowance for delays to build in. The only problem is that we are due at an evening gathering in Biebrich as well. So there isn't going to be much chance to catch up or do any of the normal 'sorting out' things we do on Fridays.

So, it seems it will be a busy weekend. We have a lunch date on Sunday as well.

I think I need another weekend already.

Civic Expansion!

Our village is starting to expand. It must be a sign of something. Three new houses are under construction on what used to be paddocks below us and there will, ultimately, be sixteen. The road has been laid in, the services are there, now the builders are getting stuck in. I'm fascinated by the system these guys are using. Most of the outer shell is prefabricated, so, once the ground works are completed, it's in with the concrete pumps, the trucks arrive and the crane gets busy.

Hey, presto, in one day you have the major part of the house erected. In two months it's ready for occupation. The preparation work is done by an artist with a digger and a laser operated theodolite. I'm not kidding, this guy uses a big digger to sculpt the ground into the exact level and the exact shape for the house. Then  along comes another load of concrete slabs, these are laid out and interlocked and the next time you look there are walls going up.

Last week I walked past a hole in the ground in the morning and noted the concrete slab and some steel ties at the bottom. Next day there was a complete cellar there. It's lined, insulated and waterproofed. Even the oil tanks for the heating system are installed. Tomorrow they tell me they'll put the house shell over it.

German efficiency I think it's called. Or is it the famous 'Vorschprung durch technik?'

Bring on the bearers and beaters ...

Today is a gardening day, the back hedge has been getting a little wild, so it has been tamed and trimmed, garden has been weeded and the tomatoes in our 'Tomato House' are starting to ripen. There's going to be quite a nice crop eventually. The odd thing this year is that, like last year, it is unseasonably cool. Temperatures at night have been dropping rather sharply and the wind is staying northerly and cool. It's been quite wet as well, though not as wet as Britain.

In the wet, the strip behind our hedge, which acts as a break between the houses and the horse paddocks, has turned into a jungle. Mausi tackled it today in an effort to get to our hedge. It is almost a case of getting in the men with machetes, bearers with camping gear and the guide toting an elephant gun. She's won through though despite comments such as 'Doctor Mausi, I presume' and offers to find a pith helmet.

Still, the weather is mild, we've won the battle and enjoyed coffee in the Gazebo with "Puddingbretzeln" and we're planning to have a little barbecued sausage for our supper tonight.

Time for a little relaxation before then, eh, what!

Shakespeare? I think not.

One often hears the assertion that if you left a million monkeys bashing away at a million typewriters, you would, eventually, get some randomised versions of Shakespeare's plays, sonnets or poems. About ten years ago, someone at a university, obviously with a 'research' grant and a sense of humour, decided to test this hypothesis.

They proved, that a hundred monkeys bashing away on a hundred keyboards for a year does not produce any of Shakespeare's work, or anyone else's for that matter. What it did produce was a lot of frustrated monkeys (Press keys to get reward), a lot of wasted effort and hundreds of broken keyboards.

So next time someone says, "if you put a million monkeys in front of a million keyboards ..." you can now say with absolute confidence - "No, it doesn't. All it produces is a lot of monkey p**h and a million broken keyboards.

Independence Day

I wish all my American readers a happy and safe celebration of their independence. Wikipedia informs me that the Continental Congress of the thirteen colonies actually voted to declare their independence from the British Crown on the 2nd July, 1776, the date John Adams wrote to his wife "should be commemorated with parades, fayres and feasts."

Congress adopted and signed the actual "Declaration of Independence" on the 4th July 1776 and that is the date that has come down in history as the 'birthday' of the United States.

I am sure I am not alone in wishing the US and all its citizens all the best for the future.

The Chav Prayer

I cannot resist posting this. It was sent to me by my youngest daughter. I have no idea who the original author is, but he or she has hit all the nails straight on the head -

Our father,

Who art in prison

Mother knows not his name.

Thy chavdom come, thy shoplifting be done,

In JJB Sports as in Poundland.

Give us this day our welfare bread

And forgive us our ASBOs 

As we Happy Slap those who give evidence against us.

Lead us not into employment

But deliver us free housing

For thine is the chavdom

The Burberry and the Blackberry

For ever and ever.

Innit

As I said ...

A Little Weekend Break

The Monk and Mausi will be back on Sunday. We're having a little break in the Westerwald, though we don't expect to run into any dwarfs, werewolves, vampires of any spelling, witches or other folk out of any of Terry Pratchett's books.

Pity, they would probably be rather fun ...

Holiday Time

The Monk and Mausi are having a few days by the sea in Denmark. The North Sea is still a tad cold for swimming - at least for the Monk - but they expect a refreshing break walking the beaches and enjoying the salt breeze. They're not sure of the internet availability, so the Blog will be a little sparse for the next week or so.

Hopefully the Monk (or Mausi) will get lots of pictures and they will share these on their return.

Just some sharp remarks ...

Got this from a friend and thought it worth sharing here: -

APHORISM: A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE THAT EXPRESSES A WISE OR CLEVER

OBSERVATION OR A GENERAL TRUTH.

1. The nicest thing about the future is . . . that it always starts tomorrow.

2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.

4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

7. Business conventions are important . . . because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

9. Scratch a cat . . . and you will have a permanent job.

10. No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy who wants to buy a car.

11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.

12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m. - like, it could be the right number.

13. No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

14. I've reached the age where 'happy hour' is a nap.

15. Be careful about reading the fine print. . . . there's no way you're going to like it.

16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

17. Do you realize that, in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)

18. Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than in an Austin.

19. After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you're probably dead.

20. Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind . . . . and the ones that mind don't matter.

21. Life isn't tied with a bow . . . . . . . . but it's still a gift.

and REMEMBER....

"POLITICIANS AND NAPPIES SHOULD BE CHANGED OFTEN - AND FOR THE SAME REASON."

One thousand posts ...

I started blogging in 2003, and the blog has migrated twice. At first it was hosted at "guru-international.com" and then at "mu.nu" as "The Gray Monk." So, while this is the 1,000th post on this site, it is just a milestone for the Blog's presence on Blogger.com.

In the time I've been blogging there have been a lot of changes and not a few major events to mark or comment upon. To be honest, I'm surprised, as I was quite hesitant about even starting a blog, doubting I could find very much to say or even to comment on. I was wrong on that second one, and as for the first, I have to say it does become addictive.

I've made some good friends through the blog as well, again not what I would have expected to do while blogging, initially about things at work, about faith and about family. I've posted things here about my hobbies, my writing and it's been a vehicle for sharing some small triumphs and even tragedies. All in all, its quite therapeutic and more than a little cathartic on occasion.

Elections ...

One of my current favourite comic strips is a strip titled "Shoe." It is, like most such strips, a cross between humour and social commentary and is often right on the money. In the strip there are all the usual "characters' including Shoe, editor and proprietor of the Treetops newspaper. All the characters are avian and represent a cross section of any small community.

Presently their local "Senator" is running a campaign to be elected President ... Senator Batson D Belfry (the strip for yesterday 20 April, 2012 is a prime example) has to be the lushest, most inept and corrupt politician on the planet. He's so bad I think I'd vote for him on the grounds his utter incompetence would ensure he didn't actually do anything to either worsen the world situation or change it.

Yep, perfect candidate I think. At least you know exactly what you're getting with him!

Tagged ...

Having been tagged by raaniyork here is my response -

Your questions:

1. What’s your favorite color?

Blue - if I'm wearing it. Red - if I'm driving it ...

2. If you get a plane ticket for free to go wherever you’d like – where would your final destination be?

Back home - after a trip to every country I'd still like to visit ...

3. Is there anything in your life you always wanted to do and never had the chance to?

Yes, quite a number of things. But when I look at all the other things I've done, I don't think I'd do it differently if I had to do it again.

4. Which one is your favorite movie classic? (Let’s say: Older than 20 years)

A tricky one, since I'm not a big movie fan. Probably ET, or Flight of the Navigator ... Both were slightly SciFi and a bit wacky!

5. If you were blond – would you mind the blonde-jokes (and of course if you ARE blonde – do you mind them?)

No. I think it's silly to get worked up about jokes and imagined slights. As the saying goes - "Sticks and stones ..."

6. What is it that always and 100% certain makes you laugh?

Oh, oh. I have a rather strange sense of humour. One thing that always gets me going though is when some occasion of great pomp starts to go a bit awry ... Like the Pope falling asleep during a sermon recently. Or my bishop loosing his zucetta (A little skullcap worn under the mitre) into the font while blessing the water in it ...

7. Where do you usually buy your clothes?

Wherever I can find the things I like to wear. Online for quite a lot lately, otherwise Peek and Clappenberg or Karstadt ...

8. Does wind bother you or do you like it?

Ah, now we're back to No. 3. Wind doesn't bother me. I enjoy sailing and that needs wind. Even a full on gale can be revitalising walking along a sea shore, feeling the wind, smelling the salt spray, or just listening to it rattle shutters or whine and moan around the house.

9. What is it that you dislike about high school reunions?

I don't go to many, so I've never really thought about this one. Perhaps, these days, its a sadness for those who showed so much potential and realised so little of it ...

10. Are you a cat or dog person?

I guess I'd have to say 'cat' - they seem to like me and attach themselves. Dogs trust me and seem to like me as well, so a bit of a dichotomy here!

11. Can movies make you cry and if yes – when was the last time you cried in a movie theater or in front of the TV?

I'd have to say yes. That said, I have done it, but can't remember the movie ... It was a while ago!

And now to work out who I'm tagging ...

Here goes - 

The challenge is to answer the same questions ...

Roses @ Ack! Thbbt!

vwbug @ One Happy Dog Speaks

Joan @ Da Goddess

GF @ The Gorse Fox

Josephus - Right Here!

Making the most of the weather ...

Mausi and the Monk have spent the last two days getting our garden restarted. The winter certainly took its toll, we have a number of 'hardy' shrubs and plants have not survived the minus 20*C temperatures we had for three plus weeks...

So far, we've replaced our fountain tub and one of our rain water butts which burst when the contents froze. To our surprise, the other two survived despite deforming rather badly. Now, at last, we have some green shoots and buds starting. I give it another week or so and I'll have to get the mower out.

One could say, "Here beginneth the Spring ..."

Devastating English ...

The English language is rich in words which accurately, and sometimes devastatingly, express an opinion. Her are some prime examples of devastating insults from before the current trend toward inadequate command of the language and the common use of expletives in place of adjectives ...

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill 

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one." -  Winston Churchill, in response. 


A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." 
 
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress." 

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr 

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill 

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."  Clarence Darrow 

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway). 

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas 

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain 

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.."     - Oscar Wilde 

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop 

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright 

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."  - Irvin S. Cobb 

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."  - Samuel Johnson 

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand 

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker 

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain 

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West 

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde 

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912) 

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder 

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."  Groucho Marx


My personal favourites are from Sir Winston Churchill - 


"The Honourable Member has conveyed to the House a serious terminological inexactitude in this matter." (A wonderful way to call someone a liar!)


And the utterly unanswerable retort to Lady Astor on the steps of the Ritz in London ...


She: "Winston, you're drunk!"


Response: "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."


I was reminded of two more I share with Josephus - 


"Sir, I have found you and argument. I am not obliged to find you an understanding." - Samuel Johnson


and


"I prefer the bikini model of statistics - what they reveal may be suggestive, but what they conceal is vital." - Unattributed.